This is the last full week of the second to the last summer that my kids have at home before we prepare to send them off to college. I try not to focus on that but it’s right there staring me in the face. If I turn one way it is there. If I turn the other way it is there. I wonder every day if I have made the most of each day we have had them home. Remember when they are babies and you say “I can’t wait till they are out of diapers”. When they are out of diapers you say “I can’t wait till they go to school”. When they go to school you say “I can’t wait till they…….”. You get the idea. Where here we are nearly at the end of the time they are in our home and I feel like I have wished the time away. Now I am wishing I could go back in time and catch the days that I wished away for a new day. Now I sit around and watch them when they don’t notice and try to soak them in. I try to make each minute full enough to fill two minutes. Too many times in the last 16 years I have seen their interruptions as just that – an interruption. I wish now that I had seen them as valued moments that they needed me or wanted to be with me.
I guess I’m just feeling nostalgic and sentimental. I don’t want them to go away to college glad to “get out of the house”. I want them to see our home as a place of love, security and fun. I don’t want them to feel smothered. I want them to feel free to be who they are. Most of all I don’t want them to go thinking that their mother didn’t have time for them when they needed or wanted time with me. I want them to realize that the reason I have stayed home with them all these years and been a stay-at-home mom was because this is where God called me to be. I want them to understand that they are the most important parts of my life. I want it to be clear to them that no matter what else I could have ever done or been – being their mom was of the upmost importance to me.
I don’t want my life to end wishing I had worked more hours in a week and brought home a bigger paycheck so we could own a better car or a bigger house or had a “life of my own”. I want to end my life knowing that I have lived my life being the best mom and spending the biggest part of my life committed to them. I am thankful God called me to be a stay-at-home-mom for my children’s entire time at home. I am grateful that God provided my husband with jobs along the way that have allowed me to be that stay-at-home-mom or allowed us a budget that we could live within to make that possible with adjustments. It’s not always been easy but we have made it work. It has been the most important thing I could do with my life. My children and our home ARE my career. They are my greatest joy. They bring me the greatest happiness. And I am the most blessed among women.