Am I Being Authentic Here? Do You Know Who I Am?

Something was pointed out to me this morning that I hadn’t really noticed.  I thought I might explore it here and see what my readers have to say about it.  First let me give a disclaimer – some of the reasons I write about may come across as judgmental of others.  I in no way shape or form intend my reasons to be in judgment of anyone else’s reasons.  I will just be explaining from MY point of view – since it’s my blog and all.  Please don’t be offended by what I am going to say.  There’s really no way to explain this without it coming across as appearing judgemental of those who have a different view. 

Ok, now that is out of the way – on with the topic.  Mama Sick pointed out that she was surprised I was in the process of filing for disability because, from reading my blog, she didn’t know that I was that ill because I don’t write much about it on here.  We discussed it back and forth a bit in her comments section.  I have been thinking about it ever since.  And that discussion and thought process has led to this post.

The question for me was – Do I share about who I really am and how I really am?  One of the reasons I love my blog so much is because I can BE who I am without judgment. Well, most of the time.  But does the fact that I don’t write regularly about my physical drawbacks mean that I am not being honest about who I am?  I don’t want the Fibro and Depression to define me.  However sometimes I think that it does.  I think I just fight against showing that to others.  I want to appear victorious even though I feel defeated.

I think this whole topic comes around to attitude.  I believe Proverbs 23:7 when it says “for as he thinks within himself, so is he” (NASB).  I naturally lean toward the negative.  However I fight against being negative all the time.  I do not, however, have a sunny positive attitude all the time.  I think my focus is more on honesty.  Sometimes times are good and sometimes times are bad.  I want to find something good in each day – even the bad ones.  I don’t want the negativity to win out.  It’s a matter of where my focus is.  I don’t want to always focus on the bad that I am feeling because I don’t want to drag others down with me.  I want to make others laugh.  That is what I want most here – to make you laugh.  Noone wants to read about negative pain all the time.  There is nothing funny about that.  That doesn’t make anyone’s day better.

I’m not Mary Sunshine.  I never will be.  But I am also not Debbie Downer.  If I am then I need to know it so I can change.  I think I have found that line in the center somewhere that allows me to be honest without going to the extreme one way or the other.  A postivie attitude is important but it can also come across as annoying.  YES – I just said being positive all the time can be annoying.  For me that is not natural.  I want to be authentic here.  Every day is not filled with sunshine and rose.  But then every day is not filled with clouds and rain either.

Now that is not to say that talking about my pain (physical and emotional) is not healing.  It is!  It is helpful to express how I am feeling on a given day.  It’s therapeutic.  And it helps someone else to realize they are not alone.  But I think too that it is helpful for my readers to come here and not leave feeling heavy and burdened.  I want them to read  my blog knowing that there is more to me then just my pain and fatigue – more than must my diseases.

Occasionally you will see a post here that says something like “Pam is not posting today because she is having a bad day and doesn’t want to drag you down with her”.  I have written that before.  That is how I feel.  I have those around me that I can be honest with every day who help me claw my way up out of the hole in the ground.  I don’t want to have to expect you, my readers, to do the same.

So, I’m not sure that any of this makes sense.  I probably should have waited a little longer to write this.  However, I would love your thoughts.  Do I come across as not being honest about who I am and what I deal with?  Am I too negative?  I’m not even gonna ask if I’m too positive.  HAHA  Surely that isn’t the case.  What say you?



7 thoughts on “Am I Being Authentic Here? Do You Know Who I Am?

  1. It makes perfect sense. Nobody is Mary Sunshine all the time, if they act like they are, THEY are not being their authentic self (and yes, it’s quite annoying). I think most people are a mix…call ’em Debbie Sunshine’s ;).

    If you wrote about Fibro and your struggles that it brings, all the time, not only would it be unhealthy for you, it would be another hold Fibro would have on you. You have an invisible disease, but YOU are not that disease.

    I love your style of writing…probably because I write the same way, haha. ❤ ya mama!!

  2. Hmmmm. I’ve only been following for a short time, but you seem pretty authentic to me. In fact, I picked up on the fact that you have health issues the FIRST time I visited your blog. I can’t recall which post I first read, so it could be that you addressed it in that post and that’s how I knew. But, I noticed something because I remember looking around your blog to figure out what it was.

    I wouldn’t expect you to post about it all the time. That would be a downer. I wouldn’t expect you to be Mary Sunshine all the time because that *is* annoying. Everybody has a bad day now and then. Everybody!

    I was recently telling an elderly friend of ours – who is truly struggling with the death of his son – not to try to “keep it together” for our sake. He was going to bail on lunch with us because he was afraid he couldn’t make it through without crying. I told him if he cried at Taco Bell, it wouldn’t bother me a bit! Anyway, I digress a bit. But, the point is, we’ve shared laughter with him. Now it is time to share the tears. He has his good days and bad days and that is totally normal!


    • Thank you so much for your input, Cara. I really appreciate. I agree with all you said.

      I also prayed for your friend. I can’t imagine the grief of losing a child.

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  4. Being that I just met you today I can’t answer your question..but everyone has worries, health issues, financial issues, and marriage/parenting woes so never think you’re alone out here in the blogosphere. Some are just to fake to tell how things really are but if we only blogged about the ugly things what’s the point. I say the same for those that wake up being peachy perfect, write about it, and go to bed in their bed of roses. What’s the point of blogging and relating to others? There are fine lines drawn for if your authenticity is what you’re comfortable w/ for instance I don’t blog about my sex life but I don’t feel that means i’m not being “me” w/ everything I write. Make sense? Having said all that…I am now following you from todays hop and I look forward to getting to know you.
    {tara}@ undeservingrace

  5. I think you are honest. You said that “as a man thinketh … so is he…” – and I feel you could substitute “writeth” for “thinketh” – I know that your illness is a big part of your life, from what you’ve said here and there… but if you don’t want to write about it b/c you want to be positive, then I think that is healthy. It’s a fine line. I think if you WANT or NEED to write about it some days that is fine, but if you’re trying to use your blogging to focus on the positive, and on your life as NOT defined by your illness, that is still honesty.

    I write a parenting blog – and I don’t always write about the bad days, all my doubts and fears – b/c I don’t want to focus on that. Sure, sometimes I write about a few of them… but I am also an “expect the worst” type person, and I need to FIGHT that – so I purposefully try to not write about the negative stuff b/c it just gets my attitude all messed up, and I don’t know if me being discouraged and writing about it really helps anyone – so I just wait until I have something positive to say and then I write about that. I know some bloggers just write about anything and everything – and if that’s what they want to do, fine. But I don’t think I’m ‘less honest’ (or you are) just because I don’t post every little thing on my blog.
    I feel like I’m rambling now – so I’m gonna go! 🙂

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