So far I have written about my Fibromyalgia and my Depression. However, something I have been dealing with a lot lately are panic attacks. I’m not sure why they are coming up so often all of a sudden. So, I sat down here to do some research. Information is the greatest tool we have to fight our personal battles. I have dealt with anxiety along with my depression for years. Thankfully my depression has been well under control for most of the last 6 months. I may have had 2 bad days with depression – one day was last week. However I really had not had a panic attack in a very long time. Until last week I can’t even remember the last time I had one. In the last 2 weeks I would say maybe I have had 3 days without one. Most days I’ve had at least two.
When an attack hits I imagine sparks going off in my brain so quickly that I can’t control them. My palms get sweaty. My heart races. My hands shake. My legs feel like rubber. I get lightheaded and dizzy. I feel like my heart is gonna jump out of my chest. The aggravating thing about it is that they just come on out of nowhere. I can be reading a book, watching TV or even sleeping. There’s no rhyme or reason as to when they come on. Many times I have woken up in the middle of the night by an attack. What on earth am I supposed to do with that? Quite often it happens in a group of people. The other night Ron, Lauren and Rhiana were hanging out with me in our room planning Lauren’s birthday party. The longer they were in there the more anxious I got. I tried to breath through it to hold it off. But I eventually had to ask them to leave.
Finally the other day I called my psychiatrist for an appointment. I had been taking Klonipin but it was no longer helping. She switched me to Ativan. Yes, I feel like a crazy person. I feel even crazier because there is never a legitimate reason. It’s so frustrating when someone asks me what is happening when the attack hits because basically there is NOTHING going on! I’m asking myself the same question and am getting NOTHING!
At any rate, I’m over it! I’m waiting for this one to end. Writing about it has helped. Still waiting for the Ativan to work. It’s getting there. Anyway, thanks for letting me “talk”. You all are my therapists today. And I love how you just let me talk and talk and talk…and not once did you say “How does that make you feel?” or “What I hear you saying is….”. Good job you!!!