Earlier in the week I got an email with Mama Kat‘s writing prompts for the week. One of them jumped out at me right away. I wish it hadn’t but it did. Each week she sends five prompts for the week. Sometimes when I have writers block I will use one. I don’t have writer’s block but I feel led to write on this one so I am making it my NaBloPoMo entry for today. It is Describe a time when you felt left out.
I think the easier prompt to write about would be to describe a time when you didn’t feel left out. I feel left out a lot. I always have. I don’t have the best self-esteem so my feelings get hurt easily although I try hard not to let it happen. I think that is why I always cheer for the underdog. I feel sorry for those who find themselves alone or on the losers bench because I can identify so well with them.
I find myself watching groups of friends laughing and talking and wonder what is wrong with me that I’m not included in their group. I hear about women who get together for fun game nights (like Bunco) and wonder why I have never been asked to join them. I hear about couples who get together for dinner/potlucks and wonder why Ron and I are so rarely invited to participate as well. We have invited friends over for game nights or for an evening out to dinner. When the invitations are accepted we always seem to have such a good time. But then the invitations are never reciprocated with an invitation again.
I have watched many friends appear to enjoy my company and yet never include me in their plans. When a friend tells me about what a great time she had with X, Y and Z on Friday night quite often the first thought that pops in my head is why didn’t you think to invite me or why don’t you ask me to do anything or go anywhere. Sometimes it is a friend that is a close friend. I ask myself why they always seem to have time for this group of friends but never seem to make time for me.
This is the painful side of being me. It’s also an honest part of who I am. Honesty is often painful. I can imagine how this might come across – as whining. But sometimes a person just needs to share a part of themselves that is dark and bruised. So, Mama Kat, the time that I have felt left out is actually most of the time. And sometimes by people I wouldn’t expect to be left out by. It is one of the painful parts of having friendships and relationships with other people. I long to be included. What about me makes others not want to be with me? How can I fix it? How can I change?
Describe a time when I have felt left out……..more times then I want to think about.