I have had a blog post rolling around in my head for a number of weeks lately. It’s not a “feel good” kind of post. I suppose it more matches the Pour Your Heart Out over at Things I Can’t Say. So I plan to link it up over there. If you have something you need to get off your chest that is the place to do it. Warning: this post will consist of a little anger, a lot of attitude and probably quite a bit of sarcasm. And it will be directed at the U.S. Government. I’m sure I can safely say noone in the U.S. Government reads my blog but if they did then they would be getting a piece of my mind today.
A few months ago I mentioned we were beginning the process of filing for disability for me. Now I suspected the fact that I had been a stay at home mom for the last 17 years would probably greatly diminish the amount of money I would be awarded each month. Before I had Michael I worked regularly for approximately 6 years. About a month ago we received my yearly update from the Government telling me how many “points” or whatever I currently have “collected”. I don’t understand any of the terminology. And at this point I am too ticked off to care about learning it. The only thing I do know is that I do not qualify for disability because I have not WORKED a certain amount of time in the last 10 years or whatever. My question was “what kind of appreciation does the government give to mothers who choose to stay at home and raise good well adjusted citizens to put out into the working community for the next 50 years?” Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect a salary. Would be nice! But I don’t expect it. A tax benefit somehow would be nice as well.
But what about us who have spent the heart of our career age lives making our families our career? What about us when we become sick or disabled? We get no notice, appreciation, benefit or help from our government. If I divorced Ron and popped out about 7 more kids I could move downtown and live off the government then. Is that how stay at home moms have to get any benefit from our government? What do we get for raising well adjusted young people WITHOUT begging for money and free health care? What about those of us who are responsible and manage our households on our own? What happens when we get old and disabled and could use a little help in return? NOTHIN’! THAT’S WHAT! I learned because I “hadn’t worked” that I would also have to pay for my own Medicare if I wanted to benefit from it at 65. And do you think I am gonna get any SSI? Seriously?
I spend my entire life raising children and making a home for my family. I make my FAMILY my career. And does anyone in Washington give a flip? NO! It’s as if I don’t even exist. “Oh I’m sorry, you didn’t give enough to US so we aren’t giving ANYTHING to you”. Is it really too much to ask for a little benefit of some kind – a reward maybe – for NOT living off of the government for the last 17 years and NOT taking advantage of the government.
I’m just a stay at home mom who happens to now be chronically ill and could use some financial support from the government she has supported her entire adult life. Tell ya what – I’ll get that divorce and pop out a few more kids and move into the crime ridden section of my city so I can prove to WAshington that I need welfare instead of just asking for disability.
Give me a break! And give me some support! And give me some benefit for the JOB I’ve done! I doubt any of those politicians sitting around Washington could do MY job or would even WANT to do my job. But if they did do my job and then got sick I bet some kind of benefit would show up on the books for us. Try it, Senator/Congressman/President! You couldn’t do it if you tried! And you wouldn’t accept this treatment if you had to either!
The Journey Leads Home 
You go girl! I’m sorry you have to endure this injustice!
(((Pam)))
I never really thought about it this way. That is just so wrong. We have important jobs- raising our families. To not get any help when needed seems outrageous.
very, very good post! no, nobody in DC would or even could do our jobs. i am only 1 point away from having all the work hours i need. and i can’t pop out any more babies!
most of the world consideres us non-essential people. nevermind that we are responsible for more people being productive members of society. i have one who is a smalll business owner and the other is a teacher.
sigh……………..i feel your pain, it’s a wrong that needs to be made right.
Pam, I happened upon your site and I must say I LOVE it! I can relate to so much of your blog. I’m a southern girl (well, just turned 50), have fibro, a loving husband and 2 great kids (18 and 21). Before my daughter turned 18, I traveled with her wherever she went with her band, MyCalvary, and it was quite a challenge, but really enjoyable.
Praying for you and looking forward to more posts!
Bookmarking your page now….
I am in the same boat. Not enough of their precious “points” to qualify. I was a nurse for many years before I stopped working to take care of my family. Then I became ill with Fibro, then degenerative disk disease, and osteoarthritis, then had a hysterectomy and doc punctured my intestine, didn’t know it, so I became septic, ended up on vent in coma. In hospital for 200 days, had 15 abdominal surgeries to repair damage. I now live in chronic pain, with abdominal adhesions/scar tissue/ huge ventral hernia. I take pain meds like chicklets, go to pain clinic monthly to get them. Have a blood clotting disease and take blood thinners, go to coumadin clinic monthly to check my blood. I can’t bend over, lift, push or pull. I can’t be on my feet long, I can’t sit up long. I[‘m in bed for days at a time. I have medical bills out the wazoo, and sucky insurance. But I don’t qualify for any assistance cuz I’m married to a man who makes $40,000/yr. and I don’t have enough points. Yet people who are much healthier than I, get it with no problems, when they don’t really need it, cuz they can work, but they know how to work the system. So I’m left with struggling each month to make ends meet for my family, because I’m ill. Good blog. Thanks for writing it.
IT SUCKS ALL THE WAY AROUND! No doubt about it. If ANYONE needs it YOU do. It’s just wrong!
spicyt, bless your heart. i’m so sorry to read of all your challenges.
Sorry, but staying home with your kids was a luxury, not a necessity. Social Security is a money in/money out equation. You don’t put in, you don’t get out. Simple.
You mention God in your subheader, well let him provide or get a part time job. You’re owed nothing in this life, you have to work for it.
SayWhat, you sound pretty bitter.
when our children were growing up, we did without some material things so they could have orthodontics, play sports, take lessons, etc. and we were happy to do it. our oldest was 12 before we took our first vacation.
God does provide. He also expects us to use the brains he gave us. Rearing a family is of utmost importance and it’s a real shame you can’t understand that.
i hope you never, ever, have to find out what it’s like to live with chronic pain. chronic. it never lets up.
Wow, I so agree with you Pam. There are people out there that get something for nothing all the time, but when people like us need help it doesn’t happen. I think it’s absurd. I’ve worked since I was 16 and decided to have a daycare in my own home for 5 years so I could raise Maddie. Now that I went back to work for 5 months and lost my job because it was seasonal, I applied for unemployment and do I get it? NOPE!!!! But yet others can get government assistance for NEVER HAVING A JOB! grrr!
❤ Lesha
Pam, an excellent blog entry. I totally agree!
I just love how “saywhat” offers judgement, but no background as to who she or he is. So, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re not a mom or even a parent. Anyone that says staying home with your kids is a luxury, clearly hasn’t done it. It’s a blessing, yes, but luxury…hahaha, no way. SAHM’s “put in” to society the future of the entire country without asking for any financial compensation at all. That’s a pretty awesome thing to do! Bet you can’t say that about yourself or what you do now can you? How absolutely self righteous of you. You are missing the point of her entry completely. I’m certain it wouldn’t do any good to try to explain it to you, so I won’t waste my time.
Oh, fyi, in case you haven’t noticed, SS is not a money in/money out equation. Most of us that are not baby boomers will see very little of what we “put in” if we see anything at all. A little lesson for ya there. You’re welcome!
You also clearly have no understand of God and who He is. I highly recommend picking up a Bible and learning about Him before you pretend to understand His promises and tell others what they are.
Pam, you bring up an excellent point that I had never even thought about! It is just another point that illustrates that SAHMs are not respected, not to mention chronically ill moms.
SayWhat, you sound like a healthy person who has never stayed at home with children. There is great sacrifice made when one parent decides to stay at home. For most people it is no luxury but is done out of love for the children.
My cousin is 32 year old, has the mind of a six month old and is completely disabled by Cerebral Palsy. I guess she shouldn’t get anything from the government either. She is not a productive member of society. What’s your stance on that?