The Dirty Word

I have a dirty word that I’ve been thinking. I’ve actually even been saying it for months. I don’t like it. It really just brings pain. But I’ve noticed that after a while the pain seems to dull. There even comes a time when you enjoy it and look forward to it.  But it is truly a dirty word. That word is exercise. Exercise is so important for everyone. It sounds so simple. Take a walk – that sounds nonthreatening, doesn’t it? Do some yoga stretches – how simple is that? If it’s so easy then why is getting started so hard? Why is getting up off the couch so difficult? Yes it hurts for a few days. But if you manage your plan correctly it really can make you feel better.

If you have known me for very long you probably know that two summers ago I changed my eating habits and started exercising. I lost 35 pounds and felt amazing. I felt like a new person. I wasn’t satisfied with the person I was before. I didn’t like me. One day in May 2009 I woke up and just decided THAT was the day I was changing. I kind of shocked myself. I am a status quo kind of girl. I’m average and I’m ok with that. There is nothing spectacular about me. I’m overweight. I have thick coarse hair that is difficult to manage. I’m ok with just doing enough to “get by” usually. Really – I am ok with it. I have always been this way. But something that morning clicked in my head. I got up and put on some tennis shoes and took a walk. I made a weight chart and hung it on the kitchen wall. I read labels. I cut out sugar, white foods and ate healthier. Once a week I weighed in and WROTE MY ACTUAL WEIGHT ON THE CHART ON THE WALL. I was making a change. And you know what happened? Yes I changed in my appearance. But something switched in my head. I began seeing that I could put forth more effort than I thought I could and it paid off. I saw that exercise truly does help my Fibro body to feel better. Eating right can help the pain and fatigue. The doctors have been right all of those years. I had just been telling myself “I can’t” for so long that I truly believed it.

As a result of all of that exercise I tore a ligament in my foot and had to have foot surgery in December 2009. At the same time my dad got very ill. You may remember me writing about it here. I put myself aside during my recuperation period  because I was down to one leg, I let the stress take over and I completely reversed all of my hard work. I went back to my satisfaction with being average. I went back to my negative thoughts. I went back to all the foods that I knew were unhealthy for me. And I stopped moving. And yep, you guessed it, I have gained every ounce back. I am now all the way back to where I was the day before that day in May 2009. I keep waiting to wake up and feel that feeling again. I can still remember how good I felt about myself and how good my body felt. Yet I still choose to stay on the couch. I THINK about putting in my Yoga DVD. I THINK about taking a walk. I THINK about seeing the numbers fall on the scale. But sadly thinking about those things doesn’t make them so. They take effort. They take action. They take a change in thinking. They take gumption. I’ve never been good in the gumption department. But that year proved to me that I CAN do it. It IS possible. I CAN be successful. I CAN be healthy. I CAN take control of my disease and change my body. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.

Now I just need to do it! I need to do it for my body…for my fibro…for my husband…for my kids…for my grandkids…for ME. I need to prove to myself that I can be successful at it again. I need to prove to myself that I can do what it takes to help myself feel better. The Advocare Spark has given me my energy back. Now I just need to put that energy to the right use. I think my body is willing but my mind is weak. I’ll be adding more Advocare products to my regimen this week. They are gonna make me feel even better – I think change is on the way. I can feel it coming. I can see it. I sense my Fibro changing.

I just poured out my heart to you. Do you need to sound off and Pour Your Heart Out as well? Go for it and then jump over to Shell’s blog and link it up.


3 thoughts on “The Dirty Word

  1. I know how you feel. It’s so hard to get going and then when you do you feel amazing. I go to the gym right after work, because if not then I won’t go. Still sometimes I don’t go though.

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