Success and Failure – Which Do I Choose Today?

I think this post is gonna be a mix of good news and bad news. Don’t worry – it’s not good news or bad news for you. It’s about me. Isn’t it always? I was thinking of trying to be funny today. But my mood is kind of dark and cloudy so I don’t know how funny my sense of humor would actually be. And sense I have no idea what I’m gonna write until the letters appear on the page…well, we’ll just have to see. I much prefer when I’m funny. Well, all of that has absolutely nothing to do with either the good news or the bad news. I won’t charge you extra for those few sentences!

Ok – let me give you some hints…I’m a middle age woman (I’m secure enough to admit that)…I live a sedentary life…I am addicted to junk food…I hate to exercise. Have you guessed it yet? Yes, this post is gonna be about my weight. I know that all of you have been wondering every single day if today will be the day I write about my weight. Well, congratulations!!! That day has arrived. But if you have NOT been wondering that then that tells me that you don’t read my blog regularly. We’ll have to address THAT matter at a later time. (Don’t you hate when someone says “we’ll talk about that later”?)

One day in May of 2009 I woke up and decided THAT was the day I was gonna start losing weight. Seriously, that’s how it happened. It’s never happened to me before. I was quite shocked actually. It did help that everyone in Ron’s office was beginning a weight loss challenge that day. I competed along with them. My progress just didn’t actually count with theirs. (Although I should say here that if my numbers HAD counted I would have come in SECOND place! SO THERE!!) I am not a competitive person by nature. To tell you the truth if it comes to me competing with someone else I’m happy to just go ahead and declare you the winner before we even start. (However if it’s my kids in a soccer game THEN you better watch out!) So I was a little surprised that I got into the competition so seriously with everyone at work.

I had allowed myself to get to the highest weight I had ever weighed. And I was extremely disappointed in myself. So I changed my eating habits and started exercising (walking and floor exercises at home). By December 9, 2009 I had lost 35 pounds. I could see a milestone number just ahead. I could have gotten there so simply. I was doing so good. I felt good about myself. I thought I looked good. My clothes had smaller numbers in them then I had seen since before I had Michael 15 years before. But somehow in those months of exercising I had damaged a tendon in my right foot which required surgery to be removed. Uhhhhhh, the tendon….not my foot.

Think with me here…I had been exercising every day. I had just started running. I had foot surgery. At the same time my dad was having serious medical problems which later turned out to be cancer. What do you think happened? I”m sure you can guess it. I couldn’t exercise. I was under the most stress I had ever been under in my entire life. What had always gotten me through tough times before? Food! There you have it. I tried my best to keep control over my food intake. But with all that stress that became too difficult. It took about as long to put back on as it had taken to take off.

As the numbers edged back up on the scale I became discouraged and pretty much gave up. I did try getting back in the exercise mode by working with a personal trainer at a local gym. But that proved to be too much for my Fibromyalgia. It wasn’t until this past June that I decided to start paying attention to the scale again. When the scale got right back to that number it was on the day I started in May 2009 I told myself NO WAY!! I have not recommitted to the point I was at in 2009. But slowly but surely the weight is coming back off. Since June I have lost 13 pounds. That milestone I could have reached out and touched two years ago is still pretty much out of reach but at least I am headed the right direction.

I’ve discovered that I no longer have a taste for all those foods I gave up before. That is a huge blessing. I am able to say no to sodas, extra helpings, most junk food. They just don’t taste good anymore. The thing I still need to do is get outside and walk. That’s really the missing piece of the puzzle. I had set myself a goal to lost 10 more pounds by the time we go to a conference mid September. I’m not quite gonna meet that goal but I”m gonna get really close to it.

So there you have it. The ugly truth about my failure and the good news about my successes. That’s been on my heart a lot lately. I wonder if putting it into words and putting it out there for all to read will do anything for my willpower. I hope so! I’m gonna zip over to Things I Can’t Say and link this up for Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. I could use the support!


7 thoughts on “Success and Failure – Which Do I Choose Today?

  1. I feel your battle – I like to eat, I hate to exercise. Not a good combination! I actually found your blog post to be quite encouraging and motivating! You can do it, Pam! (and so can I!!) 😉

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